“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”Bob Marley
Every relationship, romantic or not, has an upkeep cost associated with it. Just as we make a commitment to water our plants and re-pot them whenever they need it, so too should we check in on those who matter to us. Everyone is going to require different amount of care to maintain your relationship status. Let’s look at the different ways one should remember to check in on their peeps.
Communication Is King
Continuing with the plant analogy, communication is the watering of your relationship. It facilitates survival and growth when done well. The frequency you do this depends on the individuals needs as well as your needs. There will be people out there that expect daily contact as well as individuals who’ll feel smothered by that. The ideal in either situation is that these needs are communicated to each partner, yours as well as theirs.
If no one can talk to each other or one has no desire to communicate with the other person, then that relationship is dying. If we can’t share our feelings, ideas, affirmations, support, all that good stuff, then what’s the point? Appearances?
Spending Time Together
If communication is the sustaining water, then joint quality time is the warm sunlight. Memories you both create are wonderful ways to bond and grow together. Make the hangouts you two do significant from time to time. Experience new things together, explore your surroundings, take up a hobby together, anything that introduces new and memorable experiences is going to great for building special moments between you too.
The Grating Things
Poison tells us that Every Rose Has Its Thorn. Which is true! No one is going to be a perfect match. There will be things that just rub you the wrong way. Maybe some of these things might be deal breakers, and that’s okay! If things aren’t working, then perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be.
For the quirks that aren’t enough to drive you away, just be patient with them and realize you’re human as well. There’s things you do that is definitely going to get on someone else’s nerves. Remember why you have a relationship with them in the first place and the joy that they’ve brought you in the past.
Things Going Sour
When the communication stops or turns toxic, when you can’t justify spending time with them anymore, these are times you need to take a hard look and see if things are salvageable or if you should move on. People do change over time. You as well. Sometimes we grow in different directions. We need to look out at what’s best for us. Remember that every experience we have is a learning opportunity. Take these relationships as experience and move on. Use it to figure out what’s important to you and let it inform your decision on your other relationship choices.
My Personal Story
With all my relationships I’ve had a serious problem of putting people on a pedestal. Always seeing them through rose-colored glasses before they start to slip off my face and I see them for who they are. A person with flaws, just as I am. It’s not fair to either party to not see them for who they genuinely are. I get all wrapped up in the excitement of a new relationship and it puts all their flaws in my blind spot, or if I do see them, I’ll quickly dismiss them as not being a bit deal. Only to find out later, when the excitement has worn down, that I actually do consider them pretty big deals and I’ll feel trapped in a relationship I’m not fully committed to. I don’t have a solution for this, but as time has gone on and I’ve realized I’ve been doing it, It’s gotten easier to keep it in mind during the beginnings of my relationships.
~I don’t have a green thumb, but at least my plants don’t die anymore~